A Dude’s Perspective: How to Dress for a Summer Concert

17 May

4:30 PM, MAY 17 2013

BY Brendan Fitzgibbons, Comedian and Researcher

It’s outdoor concert season! We all know the rule that you should never wear a band’s T-shirt to their concert. (I did this once at a U2 show, and my sister almost cried.) But this week, I’ll give you a dude’s perspective on what a girlshould wear to a summer concert.

The first and most important step in dressing for concerts is: take a shower. Once you do that, you’re already in better shape than most outdoor concertgoers, unless you tend to bathe in Frisbees and stale incense that you bought from the back of an unmarked van. Next, dress according to the genre of music you are seeing. Let’s say you are seeing a folk band such as the Lumineers, Avett Brothers or Mumford and Sons: you can’t go wrong with a clean denim vest, a fun skirt and some subtle jewelry.

Just make sure you don’t dress up exactly like the band; like at a Kiss concert, maybe don’t paint your face and scare children. Also, be very careful what clothes you buy at a concert. If you’re at a really hippie show do not—I repeat, do not—buy any clothes that are in quotation marks, like “Invisible Rainbow Jackets.” These are not real and could be code for drugs—or worse, hacky sacks.

RHINESTONE & STUD DENIM VEST, $23, FOREVER21.COM

Video

A Dude’s Perspective Video!

3 May

We took our blog to the streets of New York City. Check it!

Image

My Sister Got Married!

22 Apr

My Sister Got Married!

Sweeeet!

Patton Oswalt: The Good Outnumber You and Always Will

16 Apr

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patton-oswalt/patton-oswalt_b_3088337.html?utm_hp_ref=comedy

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, “Well, I’ve had it with humanity.”

But I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem — one human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.

But here’s what I DO know. If it’s one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in a while, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evildoers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”

Video

Im a Burger!

12 Apr

Here’s a voice over I recorded last summer!

List: March Maddness FInal Four

10 Apr
March Madness Final Four
 
Panic Attacks
 
Insomnia 
 
Hypertension 
 
Florida Gulf Coast 

A Dude’s Perspective: Bright Red Lipstick

9 Apr

9:00 AM, MAY 9 2011
BY Brendan Fitzgibbons, Comedian and Researcher

Lately I’ve noticed that a lot of women are wearing very bright red lipstick. I think it’s a bold, fresh move that makes you really stand out—especially during the rainy season. However, there are some things to consider when going for this look, if you’re interested in a dude’s perspective.

My main complaint about bright red lipstick is that when you have it on, you’re incapable of kissing anyone without turning their face into graffiti. I have been kissed by a woman wearing electric-red lipstick, and people later asked me if my cheek was bleeding. Also, you might want to wear a shade of red that doesn’t make people ask the question, “Are your lips a stop sign? Is this a metaphor for something? Should I exercise caution? Are your parents here? Am I sweating?” And you’d better not drink coffee before you apply some vibrant lipstick, because there’s little room for error: It’s very evident if you get some on your nose or forehead or teardrop tattoo.

A slightly paler shade of red will perfectly accentuate your face. Add a classic white dress and metallic pumps and you’ll look like a beautiful Mad Men character that’s not drunk. But be careful not too wear toomuch white with red lipstick, because then you run the risk of being the bizarro twin of Flo, the Progressive Car Insurance spokesperson.

MAYBELLINE COLORSENSATIONAL LIPCOLOR RED REVIVAL 645, $7, DRUGSTORE.COM

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.