BY Brendan Fitzgibbons, Comedian and Researcher

It’s outdoor concert season! We all know the rule that you should never wear a band’s T-shirt to their concert. (I did this once at a U2 show, and my sister almost cried.) But this week, I’ll give you a dude’s perspective on what a girlshould wear to a summer concert.

The first and most important step in dressing for concerts is: take a shower. Once you do that, you’re already in better shape than most outdoor concertgoers, unless you tend to bathe in Frisbees and stale incense that you bought from the back of an unmarked van. Next, dress according to the genre of music you are seeing. Let’s say you are seeing a folk band such as the Lumineers, Avett Brothers or Mumford and Sons: you can’t go wrong with a clean denim vest, a fun skirt and some subtle jewelry.

Just make sure you don’t dress up exactly like the band; like at a Kiss concert, maybe don’t paint your face and scare children. Also, be very careful what clothes you buy at a concert. If you’re at a really hippie show do not—I repeat, do not—buy any clothes that are in quotation marks, like “Invisible Rainbow Jackets.” These are not real and could be code for drugs—or worse, hacky sacks.

RHINESTONE & STUD DENIM VEST, $23, FOREVER21.COM

BY Brendan Fitzgibbons, Comedian and Researcher

Lately I’ve noticed that a lot of women are wearing very bright red lipstick. I think it’s a bold, fresh move that makes you really stand out—especially during the rainy season. However, there are some things to consider when going for this look, if you’re interested in a dude’s perspective.

My main complaint about bright red lipstick is that when you have it on, you’re incapable of kissing anyone without turning their face into graffiti. I have been kissed by a woman wearing electric-red lipstick, and people later asked me if my cheek was bleeding. Also, you might want to wear a shade of red that doesn’t make people ask the question, “Are your lips a stop sign? Is this a metaphor for something? Should I exercise caution? Are your parents here? Am I sweating?” And you’d better not drink coffee before you apply some vibrant lipstick, because there’s little room for error: It’s very evident if you get some on your nose or forehead or teardrop tattoo.

A slightly paler shade of red will perfectly accentuate your face. Add a classic white dress and metallic pumps and you’ll look like a beautiful Mad Men character that’s not drunk. But be careful not too wear toomuch white with red lipstick, because then you run the risk of being the bizarro twin of Flo, the Progressive Car Insurance spokesperson.

MAYBELLINE COLORSENSATIONAL LIPCOLOR RED REVIVAL 645, $7, DRUGSTORE.COM

BY Brendan Fitzgibbons, Comedian and Researcher

Like the saying goes, “April showers bring…oops, you’re covered in mud.” Don’t let this happen to you this spring! Here’s a dude’s perspective on how to dress for rainy days.

I like it when women wear rain gear because it says, “Hey, I’m prepared, and I also think wet toes are gross.” You can’t go wrong with a classic, solid-colored rain jacket, especially one in a darker shade that’ll camouflage any accidental mud or weird splashes from cabs. But be careful not to pick a coat that’s too puffy or oversized, because then you run the risk of looking like you’re wearing a trash bag or hazmat suit.

No water-resistant outfit would be complete without some durable rain boots and a great umbrella. Why not match your jacket with some cool galoshes? There are so many styles and patterns to choose from. I especially like these Ugg flannel wellies, which make your feet look like they’re really into 1990s-era Pearl Jam. Throw in an oversized umbrella and you’re ready to take on any puddle, hurricane or whatever weather-related disaster Al Gore says is going to happen next.

SABENE IMPERIAL BLUE BOOTS, $100, UGG, ZAPPOS.COM