Bruce Springsteen’s Crime Spree

30 Apr

Hey peoples! Here is a post I just wrote for McSweeney’s but got rejected, it’s called Bruce Springsteen’s Crime Spree.

Bruce Springsteen’s Crime Spree

“I walk through these rooms but none of them are mine.”- Breaking and Entering
“‘Cause she found out I took her radio and hocked it”– Theft, Handling Stolen Goods
“We left the toys out in the yard.”-Littering
“Well I must of done one hundred and ten through Michigan county that night”-Speeding
Mister state trooper, please don’t stop mePlease don’t stop me, please don’t stop me”- Resisting Arrest
“And I’m driving a stolen car”-Theft, Second Count
“I got contacts deep in Mexico where the servants have been seen”Harboring Illegal Immigrants
“I got a rabbit in my hat” –Animal Cruelty
“I spoke to ’em just last night and they said they won’t set themselves on fire for us anymore”– Bribery
“I move hard to the left and I strike to the face.”-Assault
“Hey, little dolly with the blue jeans on, I wanna ramrod with you honey, till half-past dawn.” –Sexual Harassment
“But I was not born to live to die and you were not born for queenin”‘-Homophobia
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