Dear Undecided Voter

19 Oct

Dear Undecided Voter,

I dont understand how you exist. You’re like someone who goes to the grocery store to pick up napkins and just stands in the aisle for seven hours. You probably go to the movies and only watch the trailers for fear of not knowing enough about what’s playing. When the presider asked you if you would marry your spouse, you paused and said, “The facts aren’t in yet, I need more time.”  What more do you still need to know? Mitt Romney has been running for president for about six years. Barack Obama has been in office and running for office for about the same time. There are about 17 million articles written on both these guys, their lives and every action they have taken scrutinized at the most minute level, and you still need more time? I would tell you to flip a coin but I fear that as the coin was in the air, you would leave to go watch, Everybody Loves Raymond Re-runs. Come on, lets just make a call here, on the count of three, lets do it together, ready…1…..2…..wait did you just puke? Romney or Obama, make the call, and what do you think? No, Regans dead, but thanks for writing that in. And no, Al Gore actually never said he invented the internet. What? Obama doesnt make up the gas prices. Yes Paul Ryan does look like a retarded Ben Affleck. Yes technically you can vote for yourself for president? What? NO!!!! WHAT!…..BEYONCE AND MICHELLE OBAMA LOOK NOTHING ALIKE! 


Im done.



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