NRA Chief Executive Wayne LaPierre’s Schedule of Events Morning of January 23rd, 2013

23 Jan
nra-president-wayne-lapierre-6775wlapierre
NRA Chief Executive Wayne LaPierre’s
Schedule of Events Morning of January 23rd, 2013
7:00 am  Wake up after peaceful sleep on bed of guns
7:01 am  Peel off gun sleep mask
7:37 am Read about school shooting in Texas, get distracted by squirrel
7:51 am Dust Gun Rack’s Gun Rack
7:57 am Briefly confuse wife for Barack Obama, punch her anyway
8:14 am Smelt cache of guns into liquid form, add to morning coffee
8:38 am  Vomit
9:14 am Draw up logo for new children’s cereal “Berry n’ Bullets”
9:40 am Begin cardio workout of running up and down homemade gun mountain
10:05 am End cardio with gun powder induced vomit
10:15 am Watch The Ellen Degeneres Show
10:55 am Try on “Mid-Morning” guns
11:03 am Murmur to self, “Guns ain’t cheeseburgers.”
11:15 am Sweaty vomit
11:28 am Add Bill of Rights tattoo to baby
11:36 am Rename baby, Baby Hardware
11:37 am Switch to “11:37 am” Guns
11:45 am Change cell phone ringtone from “gun shots” to “gun blasts”
12:00 pm Hear doorbell, pull grenade pin.
12:02 pm LUNCH!
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